the feeling of being in love

miss ko na ang ma-in lab... o diba, sa kabila ng ka-toxican ng araw na ito (crunch time b/w surg and med shiftings), sumisiksik pa sa utak ko ang bagay na 'yan... for some time until recently, i have lost the flame of hope that i would soon find the man of my dreams. why? d/t the stresses of med (bgd, etc..); losing my liking for sjoberg; finding out that harris is a snob; no more cute guys to look out for; but bottom line, i was busy (read: no time for love). but for some reason, i got back to my old self again, loving life and love through dr. dakila, toby, jappy, and other "picks of the week". although no sjoberg na. closed book na sya. anyway...

why am i missing the feeling of being in love? the last time was with peewee pa: circa 2006. tapos sjoberg in 2007, pero infatuation lang yun. kilig kung baga. being "in love" made me feel pretty and good about myself--it was a booster, a big one! and most importantly, perhaps, is the fact that i'm always alone. heck, it won't be long before i will be truly alone--in the house, and in clerkship. kasi when i feel in love, the emotional void of being physically alone is somehow diminished, because i have with me the hope and the smiles of my thoughts and daydreams. although at present i am trying hard to find a guy that will be my "groom" in my bedtime wedding illusions (the latest one is toby).

in the last days of 3rd year, i am struggling to know everything in order to prepare myself for clerkship and my definitive everyday routine for the rest of my living years. yet at the end of the day, i am also struggling to keep myself happy by hoping to stumble into someone that would keep the "in-love" side of me alive. i hope that one day, sooner or later, the man that is my groom in my wedding dream would have a definite face, one that is real and alive, and one that will make my dream a reality.